listening skills

When you think of people you like to hang out with, chances are, one of their qualities is that they are good listeners.   In the age of technology, listening is becoming a lost art.  It’s easy to let the pseudo-communication of social media and texting replace real conversations.

But, leaders are listeners.  

When you listen, you learn. And it shows people that what they have to say is important.  Think about it.  The people who listen to us are the ones we move toward.  When we are listened to, it validates us and helps us open our minds.

To enhance the human connection on your campus, show some leadership and follow these strategies to better listening.

1. Listen, listen, listen.

Just like you’d get yourself in the mental mode to play your favorite sport, take a test, or drive a car, it’s important that we mentally prepare ourselves to listen.  Listening takes discipline – similar to training for your sport, studying for a test or learning to drive!  So practice with intention.

2. Get rid of distractions.

Put away your smartphone.  Period.

 It’s a drag when someone feels like anything and everything else is more important than the person standing in front of them.

If you’re in a crowded, noisy place (such as a party or game) and it’s an important conversation, ask to move somewhere that’s quieter.

3. Don’t judge too early.

It’s easy to jump to conclusions before we have heard the whole story.  Listening is also about waiting and patience (remember how it’s a discipline?)  Don’t feel bad if you’re not in complete agreement with the other person.  Leaders acknowledge and respect others’ views.

4. Ask questions.

When you ask questions, you convey genuine interest.  It makes people feel good.  Meaningful questions help a conversation take on more depth, and you create a rapport and trust with the other person.  And – leadership is about gaining the trust of others.

5. Focus on key ideas – and what isn’t said out loud.

Instead of drifting off in boredom, listen for and extract the central idea.

This means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words.  Focus on what’s NOT being said, too.  Interpreting another person’s tone and feelings takes some observation and insight.

6. Don’t forget about body language.

Great listening skills go beyond what your ears are doing.  Face the other person, maintain eye contact, and nod your head to demonstrate you’re fully committed to the conversation.

7. Suspend your own agenda.

Often, instead of listening to what’s actually being said to us, we mentally formulate our response.  It’s hard, but focus on the speaker’s words and forget about your stuff.  Sometimes, people don’t want advice.  They just want a listening ear.

8.  Empathize. 

Consider the speaker’s point of view as if their concepts were your own.  Empathy places you in the other person’s shoes and helps you gain a sense of their feelings and experiences.  It’s not easy, but you’re practicing!

9. Acknowledge their point of view is valid.

People are different. We often don’t agree with others, but great listening includes acknowledgement. Their point of view is just as important and worthy as our own.  Remember, everyone wants to feel important!

10. Paraphrase.

Repeat back the speaker is saying to make sure you’ve understood. This also demonstrates attentive listening.  For example,

“So you’re telling me that you think my employee evaluation process is unfair?”

“Oh… so you hate the music we play at our dances?”

That’s it!  Practice these listening techniques throughout your week and let me know how it goes.  

Or, if I’ve missed one, please let me know in the comments section below.   Thanks!

Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. Relevant detail, couched in concrete, colorful language, is the best way to recreate the incident as it happened and to picture it for the audience – Dale Carnegie

If facing a large audience gives you shivers, and the thought of public speaking gives you pangs of nervousness, make sure to follow these basic guidelines before you prepare for your next public speech or presentation.

Make the introduction gripping, and the content clear and concise

The content of your speech is the backbone of your success. Remember that first impressions are the last ones too, and aim to capture the attention of your listeners with your first expression. Starting with an inspirational quote, or a relevant short story, may work well to grip an audience. Ryan McLean highlights the importance of a captivating beginning by saying, “Your introduction needs to establish with the audience why it is important to them and why they should be listening to the speech.”

That being said, the quality of the main body is equally essential to ensure a successful outcome. The success of your presentation will be judged not by the knowledge you send out, but by what the listeners grasp from your words. Be understandable and assertive on your viewpoints; make sure you speak slowly, clearly, and thoughtfully. Keep the content to the point, avoid beating about the bush, and keep in mind the difference between a lecture and a speech. When determining the length of your content, take a hint from Dorothy Sarnoff’s advice, “Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening.”

Confidence, composure, and poise

Undoubtedly, the most feared words of public speaking. You may be trying your best to avoid eye contact or imagining there is no one in the room, but as dreaded as it is, eye contact and speaking with confidence is extremely vital for an exceptional public act. It is absolutely vital for a public speaker to know the difference between ‘public reading’ and ‘public speaking’. Your audience is not there to watch your head hanging down as you read from a piece of paper. Make sure to be well-dressed, keep your hands out of your pocket, and stand tall and erect without moving a lot.

Public speaking is only 10% what you deliver and 90% how you deliver. Make sure you have researched well on your facts and figures, and confidently convey it to your listeners to make them believe in your potential and credibility. Keep it engaging and smooth by focusing your gaze on the audience as you speak and redirecting it to different listeners through the act.

Stay calm under unexpected problems

Broken multimedia, faulty projectors and whistling speakers are a common sight at conferences and corporate meetings. It is completely normal to experience technology hitches, unforeseen accidents, unnecessary interruptions, or simply going blank during your speech, or presentation. Stay calm under pressure, crack a joke, avoid being over apologetic, and most importantly never bury your face in your hands! Express your need for a pause to recollect your thoughts and resume once you are ready. Your tactful demeanor and quick recovery from a setback may leave your audience even more impressed.